Ever since I can remember, I scurried away from
people I strongly dislike. If a cashier snapped at me once, be sure you’ll
never catch me at his line. Whenever I sense the slightest trace of irony or patronize
from someone I just met, I’ll make sure to avoid them like plague and never
bump into each other. It’s also torture to act normal or even smile when I
really feel like swearing.
But after living like this for years, I began
running out of options. The list of people and places meeting all my self-imposed
criteria was getting shorter and shorter. I felt deprived. Like being on a gluten-free
diet, while watching everybody else indulging in cake and cookies. On the other
hand, those who passed the test saw me as an over-sharer, an extrovert as its
best. Goofing around, laughing loud, cracking jokes, bursting with confidence; I
was torn between two worlds.
Turn out I’m not a weirdo after all. A recent study, published in the Psychological Science sheds some light on a new type of
personality: ambiverts. Researcher Adam Grant of The Wharton School of the
University of Pennsylvania, the one who conducted this study, is basically saying
is that ambiverts - a perfect hybrid between introverts and extroverts- are having
the best of both worlds. Grant describes these people as “just enough assertive
and enthusiastic”, yet not “overly confident or excited”. Apparently, they or
should I say I would make a good
salesman.
For millions of people like me, thought, things
are far more complex than psychologist could ever imagine. When boxing people
into a category or another, you risk creating more turmoil. How do I know I’ve
crossed the line from being an ambivert to being an extrovert? Do I need to seek
isolation for three month in a row before I can be labeled as an introvert? What
about parties? Am I allowed to attend a baby shower followed by a bar mitzvah and
still consider myself a lonesome?
Instead of struggling to define what I feel, I strive
to make peace with my shortcomings and balanced them out. I temper myself
before sharing how much I earn with my friends. I breathe deep and repeat my “Nobody
wants you any harm” mantra each time I suspect people talked behind my back. At
the end of the day, whether you’re an extrovert, an introvert or a bit of both,
what really matters is not letting natural tendencies getting in your way. But
don’t squash them either;
find a sweet spot.
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