Four band-aid tricks for a drama-free marriage

There are times when shortcuts are much appreciated: dry shampoo for a bad hair day, boxed cake mix for last-minute guests, Skype sessions with out-of-state friends. They may not be the real deal, but they save us a lot of trouble by getting the job done. 

So why not apply the same principle to marriage? Here are some tricks from my four year marriage that hopefully will help keep your marriage run like clockwork:

Enjoy take-out at least once a week. Do yourself a favor and order some Chinese once in a while. It’s not going to break your wallet, but this simple splurge will do wonders for your mood by taking off your shoulders the burden of coming up with meals ideas on a weekday night.
In addition to that, my husband and I like to share a bottle of wine every other Friday night.  It’s the perfect way to unwind after a busy week, while keeping the love fire burning. Scientists agree too. A 2012 study performed by a team from the University of Otago in New Zealand revealed that couples who share a bottle of wine at least once a week, increase their chances for a blissful, long-lasting marriage.  

Pretend you are listening even if you’re bored to death. My brain shuts down the minute my husband starts blabbing about work, because my creative self cannot process all the technicalities of his job. Faking interest is my way of saying “I care enough to protect your feelings”. I promise it doesn’t kill you to stay still for a couple of minutes and nod in agreement.  Heck, if you’re feeling extra attentive, throw in there some reassuring comments like “Interesting!” or “That’s fascinating!” 
According to a recent study, there’s no need to feel guilty about telling small lies like this one. In fact, they might strengthen your relationship. Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist at Oxford University, believes lying to protect gets you emotionally closer to the other person. 

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Skip the marital therapist; play some family games. Cheating or money issues are no longer the most common reasons why people divorce. Instead, trivial reasons like a capless toothpaste tube or a snoring habit can make or break a marriage. It’s called a “cumulative effect” and according to Nancy Nicolson, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry and psychology at Maastricht University in the Netherlands, may be even harmful for a marriage than a bigger disagreement. 
A solution we found to work is playing simple household games. For every “mistake” (something that each other does and really gets on our nerves), we get a black point. Whoever has the most points at the end of the week gets to do the nastiest household chores. Sound childish, but it works like a charm. Bonus: your house will look neat and clean.  

Schedule intimacy. More often than we care to admit sex takes a back seat in our hectic, modern lives. Putting bread on the table and getting kids fed and clean drains your energy supplies so much that the simple thought of intimacy feels like a burden, rather than a treat. If you are waiting for something magical to happen, prepare to get a major disappointment. 
What you can do is pull out your appointment book and joint down weekly sexual encounters. Janice Epp, Ph.D., dean of the Institute for Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in San Francisco gives you green light on this one: “Sex is perfectly natural but it's not always naturally perfect. You plan other things in your life and you don’t complain about it. Do the same with sex.”

A winter survival guide for those insanely brave CTA commuters

The last few years gained Chicago the reputation of an “Ice Age” city, but unlike the famous animation characters - who survive a meltdown and a confrontation with dinosaurs - people living here face another great challenge: playing peekaboo with public transportation.

There’s a study to prove it. According to the "Urban Mobility Report", released last year by the Texas A&M Transportation Institute, Chi Town ranked 13^th among 498 U.S. cities on a scale of the most unpredictable commute times. That includes buses too, which are especially tricky. 
Now they’re bunching, the next moment they disappear altogether into the mist of traffic. When winters roll around though, catching the CTA or becomes more like a survival race. It’s not for the weak-hearted. Just take a look at the CTA Fails Twitter page. With dozens of comments posted every day, ranging from desperation to anger, the page looks like a live rescue hotline.  

And while commuters can’t do much to hurry up a bus or a train, they can take some simple measures to fight both the boredom and the cold:

Get friendly with people around you! Time is passing by much faster when you’re not obsessively checking your buss tracking app. Don’t expect to make life-time friendships with your suffering companions, but don’t ignore them either. 
Break up the ice with a funny comment like “By this time, the Air Force troops must be looking for us” or “Do you think we should shot signal flares into the sky?” Anyone in your situation could use a hefty dose of endorphins and what better way to get them if not by laughing? Moreover, a 2012 study conducted by Markus Heinrichs and Bernadette von Dawans at the University of Freiburg, Germany, revealed we own a natural mechanism that helps us bond easier when dealing with stressing situations.

Dress like a penguin! This one is a no-brainer, but I can’t stress enough the importance of winter gear for those who regularly ride the bus. Waiting outside for five or more minutes (it’s usually at least ten) at an excruciating 19 degrees –if the wind is pitching in, it feels even colder– can feel like torture without appropriate attire. The easiest way to do this is by choosing heat-retention materials. Think wool, fur, cotton, flannel and polyester.  
The National Weather Service (NWS) recommendations are as clear as daylight: layers are your best friend, ditch the gloves in favor of mittens, cover your mouth and don’t forget about a hat since 40% of your body heat it’s lost from head.

The power of pacing. Don’t just stand there; move around! Pacing it’s going to enhance blood circulation and therefore you’ll avoid having your toes transforming into popsicles. On top of that, pacing helps control your weight. In scientifically terms, this transcribes as a non-exercises thermogenesis, which is basically any outside-he-gym movement we do that burns calories. 
Half an hour of pacing – the average time spend in a day waiting for the bus- burns up to 100 calories. That’s at least 500 calories a week deficit to counteract a Sunday worth of splurges.

Cheer up with music. Waiting in the cold for an extended period of time, particularly at night, can trigger gloomy thoughts. As a long-known remedy for depression, music will do wonders for your mood. Therapist often use 40-hertz sounds, for their calming effect on the brain. Not a fan? Then listen to whatever makes you happy.

Cheat a bit: take shelter. Choosing to enter in a cozy fast-food and give your body some rest it’s nothing to be a shame of. There will be no captain to pick on you for abandoning the “freeze your butt off, commuters!” ship. 

Go ahead; enjoy the warmth of a tea, with a smirk on your face and a spark in your eyes. Still, don’t let yourself get too absorbed by it, or else you’re going to join the next round of chili commuters.

Five hilarious takeaways from horror movies

      

Unless you are a die-hard fan, you don’t see much beyond the spookiness of a horror movie. Plopped on your comfy couch, you watch it while shoveling popcorn in your mouth, shivering with fear whenever a creepy face comes out of the closet or someone is stabbed in the shower. I used to be like that. But then my husband started freaking out more than usual during chills inducing movies. It sucked the joy, or should I say the fear, out of most of our Friday nights.

So I came up with a strategy to make the whole experience more bearable for him. “When feeling terrified, shift your attention. Look something funny in that scene”, I suggested. And it actually worked. The only downside? Instead of doing it mentally, he would say it out lout. “These zombies are drooling all over the place”, he pointed out to me, during World War Z. “Someone give them a handkerchief, please!”

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Soon enough, I pick up the same habit. And although a scary movie doesn’t crack us up as hard as a comedy, we have a blast recognizing all the hilarious details. After all, horror movies carry a surprising life-lesson: even in the darkest moments there’s something to laugh about. Here are some amusing takeaways from scary movies:

1. Serial killers love to play hide and seek in the nastiest places. How else can you explain their love for spots like under the bed, where people tend to keep dirty, smelly socks, empty potato chip bags or worse, used condoms? Not to mention about closets, the land of sweaty sneakers and basements, the favorite playground of mice and coach roaches. So if you want to have a monster-free house, keep it spotless.

2. Demons have a potty mouth. Especially when strapped with handcuffs into a restrain chair or a bed. Take for example Pazuzu, from The Exorcist. He obviously didn’t learn to swear like a sailor from that 12-years-old little girl. Listen up, Mrs. Demon! Having blood streaming down your face and a bad hair day doesn’t give you an excuse to throw your manners out the window.

3. Zombies seriously lack dental hygiene. On top of being plain ugly and having the worse skin break-outs, you can tell zombies never used a tooth brush. Take a look at this guy, from World War Z. His “pearlies” are more pitch-black than white, yet he insists on showing them off.  Why not give him a chance and stick his picture on your bathroom window? It would work as a great motivator for the nights when you consider skipping brushing your teeth. 

4. Ghosts should take an anger management class. Door slamming, light-bulb explosions, furniture throwing. That’s what ghosts supposedly do in order to intimidate, right? But what if they just have a short temper? It must be horrible to be invisible and have people walk through you. It also means you can go whatever you want. That Tahiti vacation you never took while alive? Go for it, Casper. Better yet, climb, and then throw yourself out of the Mount Everest. It’s not like you’re going to die… Doesn’t it sound more fun that messing with people’s houses?

5. Which brings us to aliens...They have no respect whatsoever for American, Chinese and French architecture. Have you count the number of times New York had been destroyed by an alien invasion in a sci-fi horror movie? World most famous skyscrapers and bridges don’t stand a chance against alien’s wrath. They favorite way to destroy a building is by simply stepping on it, smashing or firing it up. In this Pacific Rim scene, Hong Kong is flattened out without mercy. Should we assume aliens are afraid of heights?

Getting to experience the infamous Chicago blizzard via You Tube

Fully dressed in my winter gear, I could easily pass for an eskimo. The whip-cream colored puffy coat and matching boots I spend on a small fortune are both covered in faux fur and my face is half-buried in a giant white knitter scarf my mom bought for me. While I feel a little ridiculous, I hear this is the usual winter uniform around these parts. 
 

Just last year, Chicago registered the biggest storm since Groundhog Day Blizzard. In an effort to brave what was arguably the third coldest winter in city’s history, people were sporting fleece face masks and hand warmers like they were going out of style.

But seen through the eyes of You Tube "vloggers", everything seems so much worse. Usually no more than a couple a minutes long, suggestively titled “How to survive Chicago winter” videos manage to paint an apocalyptic scenery of the city, where humans scurry away from blizzard like mice at the sight of a hungry cat. No person in their right mind would want to visit, yet alone move here after watching them. At least not without a serious supply of alcohol.

Exaggerations set aside, the "vloggers" - Chi Town residents, mostly in their twenties - do a pretty good job at explaining how to cope with the harsh weather. From the clothes they wear to the drinks they enjoy during snowy months, nothing is left out. 

“If you never been here in the winter, I’m here to tell you it freaking sucks”, explains Lyanne Manzanilla, a young woman, originally from Miami. Before moving to Chicago, she says, she never experienced snow. Some of the tips and tricks Lyanne shares are drinking water and using moisturizing lotions as well as investing in a good lip balm.

In terms of fashion, “you need a big fat coat” because “you’re not going to look cute”, she bluntly states. A heated blanket is even mentioned for cold feet cases. If all this fails to get you nice and toasty, the girl explains, you might consider trying a “liqueur jacket”. “Drinking booze is guaranteed to keep you warm”, she concludes while taking a sip from a huge vodka bottle. Her video, posted ted months ago, gathered over 4000 views.

A two years old video named “How to survive your first Midwest Winter” can also be found on Shannon’s Frugalbeautiful YouTube channel. A born-and-raised California girl, Shannon gives away some valuable suggestions on how to dress for winter on a budget. The “survival” wardrobe she showcases could be suitable for an Alaska getaway: waterproof, leather boots, 100% wool socks and scarves, polar fleece leggings – which she claims are like “wearing a sweatshirt on your legs”- knitted head band plus a ridiculously warm down jacket.

The icing on the cake is, by far, a Steve HarveyShow segment watched by over twelve thousand people. The comedian and TV host bursts in laugh when a woman from the live studio audience - recently relocated from Florida to Chicago - asks for his help to choose between three winter jackets. “None of these would work. Maybe if you combine”, Harvey announce. At one point, he jokingly advises her to “move back to Florida with your mama”.

 

John Hersh, a self-proclaimed social foodie who makes no secret from being gay, puts a different spin on this subject. Booze is mentioned again. “In Chicago, the winters are very long. You can get lonely or depressed. You just have to have something to do to get through it”, he says. His particularly idea of “something” is called “Bake&Drink”. “Basically, I’ll just invite people over. Five of them will volunteer to bake; ten of them will bring the booze.”

But it wouldn’t be fair to leave out all those videos showing what a bike commute to work or a casual run in a snow-filled landscape looks like. Take for example this one, filmed last March by Kurt Barclay, or this, from “Jairocol”, another You Tube user. Besides, if Harvard scientists are right, living in a cold area might do wonders for your waist and general health.

Like every other aspect of life, it’s just a matter of perspective. Either way, I think we all agree that a couple of drinks can definitely help beat the winter blues.